IS IT REALLY NECESSARY THAT WE BECOME THE
First of all, it is important to note that horses probably don't, nor will they ever, see us as a member of their herd. Horses do everything they can to fit into our herd. Horses are very perceptive and can easily adapt to their surroundings in order to help them survive from one day to the next.
Horses see hundreds, possibly thousands of people throughout their lifetime. Surely they must know they are outnumbered. A horse outnumbered by predators has one of two choices: Die? or find a way to get along with the predators so he won't die. The horse, as a species, has simply chosen the latter. To that end, he is constantly looking for a way to understand who we are and what we are about so that he can get along in our herd. Much like we might do if we were visiting a foreign country.
It is important to note that most herd mammals are all set up pretty much the same way (this includes us humans). The herd starts with the "alpha", the one with all the power, then moves progressively downward. Somewhere in the middle of the herd structure are what we refer to as passive leaders. These are animals, (whether human, horses, buffalo, deer, etc..) that simply try to get along with everybody in the herd. They aren't necessarily interested in moving up the "alpha" ladder, because they are content at their position within the herd. These passive leaders are usually very quiet in their day to day activities, and as a result, begin to gain the confidence of the other members of the herd.
Because horses are passive and quiet by nature, they will naturally want to spend more time with the individuals in the herd that cause them the least amount of stress throughout the day. The reason the passive leaders are causing the least amount of stress, is because they are dependable in their actions. They seldom, if ever, use force to get their way, and seem to lead by example. Where ever they go, the rest of the herd willingly follows.
So the question is: how can we develop this same type of relationship with our horses; a relationship where our horses want to follow us and willingly perform the tasks that are being asked of them? The answer is simple: First, we need to find a way to be dependable for our horses. This is usually a problem for many folks because they seem to have the idea that horses need to be dominated in order to perform. This comes from the fact that the "alpha" in the herd uses dominance to accomplish its goals and many people believe that we need to emulate the actions of the "alpha" during our training.
However, it you watch the horses within the herd, you will notice that while they definitely respond and seem to 'respect' the "alpha", they don't spend very much time in that horses company. In fact, the majority of the horses in the herd will go out of their way to avoid the "alpha". So, knowing that, one good way to start on our way to becoming a passive leader, with our horse is to avoid using force. If our horse isn't performing the task we are asking, help them through it instead of trying to force them through it. Give them time to think about what is being asked of them, and allow them time to try and figure it out. Usually, given this time to think, they will try to do the right thing.
Second, we can simply take care of our horses. Don't just make sure that the water tank is full, or that they have good feed, or that they get their shots on time. Those things are also important. We must do what is best for them in all situations. Don't allow somebody to work with them or ride them, that you know or feel will be hard on them. By the same token, if somebody is working with them and doing something you don't feel comfortable with, stop them from doing it. In short, don't' be afraid to stand up for your horse!
These two things, while they may sound simple, are often the hardest things for us to actually do for our horses. It isn't usually in our nature to be quiet and consistent. Our nature is more to get things done right now. Horses, on the other hand, simply don't see things that way. If our horse is trying as hard as he can to fit into our herd, the least we can do is try and help him. When given the opportunity, he will fit in just fine.